Category: Communication

  • The Bravest Person in the Room

    A few weeks ago I was standing at the back of a pre-shift meeting at a property I was visiting before dinner service. A chef was walking the team through the evening’s menu and reviewing several dishes. At some point he got to the Hamachi and began describing the use of Buddha’s hand as a tableside garnish and flavor component. He spoke about it with the confidence and fluency you’d expect from someone who has spent their career in professional kitchens. He went on for a few minutes, the team listened and nodded in agreement. It would seem all was well, until a young server assistant named Sally raised her hand.

    “I’m sorry — what is a Buddha’s hand?”

    There was a brief pause. The chef smiled, pivoted, and asked the room if anyone else wasn’t familiar with it. Several heads started nodding, slowly at first, then more confidently as people realized they weren’t alone. What followed was a short, genuinely useful explanation of what Buddha’s hand is, what it tastes like, and why it was on the plate. The whole room walked away better prepared to serve that dish and answer a guest’s question about it, all because Sally asked.

    Sally had been with the team for just over a year. She was not the most senior person in the room, nor the most experienced, but she was the only one brave enough to admit she didn’t know something. In doing so, she gave everyone else permission to admit the same.

    Some may think this question to be unremarkable and simply a byproduct of a traditional preshift. I would disagree. In order for Sally to raise her hand, she had to get past the fear of looking uninformed, the worry that everyone else already knew and the discomfort of being the one to slow things down. These are real feelings, and they keep people quiet in meetings, pre-shifts, training sessions and boardrooms every single day. Sally may not have cared about those feelings, but I can say with confidence that others do.

    The people who stay quiet aren’t less intelligent, they are just more afraid. As leaders we must create a culture where questions are encouraged and rewarded. We’ve all heard the phrase “there are no stupid questions” but I have witnessed leaders respond as if there are.

    A practical technique to confirm your team knows information is to ask the question rather than share the answer — something like “Who can tell me what Buddha’s hand is?” Hopefully you get the right answer, and if you don’t, well now you know a lesson is needed. When someone does ask a question, be sure to thank them for it. When the answer helps out the whole room, point that out and recognize their bravery.

    Sally didn’t just help herself that evening. She helped every person in that room serve their guests better.

    The Bravest Person in the Room

  • Turning Around an Upset Guest

    Upset guests come with the territory in hotel leadership, there’s just no escaping it. The bad news is these conversations are difficult. The good news is every single one of these conversations is an opportunity for exceptional hospitality. The key, and you’ll see this word throughout, is authenticity. There are several approaches to employ when faced with an upset guest, but my favorite is the H.E.A.T. method (taught to me by the great Cindy Novotny) which stands for:

    Hear
    Empathize
    Apologize
    Take Action

    Let’s break them down:

    Hear

    Surprisingly this is where many people fall short and where the biggest impact is. Many times when a guest is upset, they just want to be heard. They want to share their frustration and ensure their feedback is authentically addressed. For many guests, this is more important than the solution. It’s like therapy, you can’t bottle this stuff up (this is a leadership blog and not marriage advice but the same applies!). For this stage, the goal is to listen closely and prove to the guest you genuinely care. I recommend having this conversation in a comfortable environment, away from busy guest spaces (like the front desk) and preferably sitting down. Bring a notebook and take notes of all the details the guest shares, feel free to repeat back any important information they share.

    Empathize

    This part is easier than you think. The goal is to let the guest know you authentically care. Put yourself in their shoes. Think with their wallet. Imagine you just went through the exact experience they did and say what comes to mind such as “I can understand how frustrating and disappointing that must have been – you have every right to feel that way”. Additionally, I like to start this step with thanking the guest for the feedback as it provides the opportunity to make it right, not just for the guests who complained, but for all guests in the future. A complaint is a gift. Most people feel vindicated in knowing they are preventing this situation from happening to someone else.

     

    Apologize

    Another easy one! Quite literally the most basic step in this process is to say you are sorry. I will add one thing that might seem controversial – many people say sorry and their intention is not to accept blame or ownership but rather to just say they are sorry for what the person is going through. I think this is wrong and indicative of poor leadership. My philosophy is that we win as a team and lose as a team. If a server rings in a steak rare and it’s served to the guest well done, the guest will likely complain. The server should not say “I rang it in rare, the kitchen messed this up”. They should say “You’re right sir that should have been rare, I am so sorry – we will get this fixed right away”. When apologizing, do it on behalf of everyone and never give empty excuses.

    Take Action

    This one can be challenging, but it’s where the opportunity lies and where we should spend most of our time and energy. Now that the difficult conversation is coming to a close, most guests expect a resolution – something to make the situation right. Each situation is different, and we need to make educated decisions on what the resolution is, but we must do something. I recommend a closing statement here with the guest that reassures them we will make it right. Give them your business card and let them know you’ll be in touch ASAP with next steps. Buying a little time before taking action can go a long way. It allows you to reconvene with other stakeholders, review the situation as a whole, and come back with a thoughtful resolution rather than a knee-jerk reaction. Just make sure ‘a little time’ means minutes or hours, not days. Many people go straight to financial compensation, but with a little creativity, there are other avenues. Is the guest joining for dinner tonight? Is there a special experience we can provide? Do they live locally and will be visiting in the future? Having a system to share upset guest scenarios with all staff can be helpful in turning a guest around as everyone can pitch in.

    Follow Through (Bonus Step)

    Ok, you’ve listened intently, empathized and apologized profusely, and put the full court press on resolving the problem – what’s next? In an ideal scenario, the guest will walk away with a feeling that the hotel took their feedback seriously and made it right. Sending a follow up thank you email is always a good idea, especially when a future concession is offered. Now all that’s left is to assess the situation with your team and figure out what went wrong and how we can learn from it. Complaints are inevitable, it’s how we respond to them that defines us.

    Note: For taking notes during these conversations, I carry the Levenger Pocket Briefcase. It’s not cheap, but it’s lasted me many years and fits perfectly in a jacket pocket for moments like these.

    Turning Around an Upset Guest

  • Choosing the Right Words (Part 2: Words with Staff)

    Danny Meyer built Union Square Hospitality Group on a simple but radical idea: your staff comes first, then your guests. In his book Setting the Table, he explains that the language leaders use with employees directly shows up in how employees treat guests. If you bark orders at your team, don’t be surprised when they deliver robotic, transactional service. If you explain the “why,” say please and thank you, and treat them as partners—that warmth transfers to every guest interaction.

    Unfortunately, some leaders think that because they are in a position of authority, they get to speak to their team members in a certain way—one that is imperative, demanding and at its worst, demeaning. The leader might not take it to this extreme, but they may inadvertently veer towards this style of communication, especially when stress levels are high and they think it’s what the situation calls for.

    Fortunately, a small tweak in word choice or tone can make all the difference.

    Here are some examples of good and bad scenarios when speaking with staff.

    Scenario 1: Delegation/Requests

    Poor: “I need you to clean the lobby – do it now.”

    Better: “Jordan, the lobby is looking a bit disheveled, could you please clean it as soon as possible? We would hate for our guests’ first impression to be a dirty lobby. Thank you.”

    Notice how:

    • The leader used simple manners with the use of please and thank you
    • The leader personalized the request by using the staff member’s name
    • The leader posed the sentence in the form of a request as opposed to a demand (if Jordan fails to execute the task in an appropriate time frame, the approach can then change to something more direct)
    • The leader explained the “why” behind the request which supports the emphasis on doing it as soon as possible

    Scenario 2: Coaching/Feedback

    Poor: “You did a bad job when speaking to that guest. What is wrong with you? You were cold, dismissive and unhelpful.”

    Also Poor: “Please remember to be nice to our guests. You’re doing a great job – just remember to be nice. You’re not in trouble.”

    Better: “How do you think that conversation with Mr. Spieth went? I believe there is room for improvement. I want you to succeed so I’m going to be frank with you – the language you used gave the impression that you did not want to help them. Instead of saying “I have no idea,” we should be saying “Please allow me to check on that for you,” and then follow through on answering the guest’s question or ask a team member for help. Unfortunately, this guest likely had a poor impression of our service. Remember, we are in the business of helping people and our core values reflect that. Let’s role play that conversation again.”

    Notice how:

    • The leader first posed the question to the team member about how they think it went. The hope is that the employee will come to their own conclusion that it didn’t go well.
    • The leader did not sugar coat the feedback and focused on the specific area of improvement as opposed to a generality.
    • The leader referenced back to the company’s core values which all employees should know and understand – these can be a “north star” for situations like this.
    • The leader offered additional training in the form of role play

    Scenario 3: Recognition

    Poor: No recognition at all

    Better: “Nice job today”

    Best: “You were awesome today. With so many guests arriving at once, it took hard work and organization to please our guests. You went above and beyond – we would not have succeeded without you.”

    Notice how:

    • The leader gave recognition. So many leaders fail to do this and instead provide a stream of negative feedback.
    • Moving from “Better” to “Best”: The leader was specific about what the employee did well (not just “nice job”)
    • The leader explained the impact (“hard work and organization to please our guests”)
    • The leader emphasized the employee’s importance to the team’s success (“we would not have succeeded without you”)

    Scenario 4: Accountability

    Poor: “You’re late for work again. If you keep arriving late, I’ll have to write you up.”

    Better: “Jordan, can we speak in private for a moment? I noticed you’ve been late for your shift twice this week, is everything ok? Please understand that when you are late, it affects your teammates and the operation as a whole. As a reminder, we have a formal attendance policy here that clearly outlines our expectations and accountability steps. How can I help you arrive on time in the future?”

    Notice how:

    • The leader created an environment where accountability can happen in a private space. This lets the employee know the conversation is important and also allows for a candid discussion as needed
    • The leader asked if everything was ok, allowing for the employee to share if something was truly preventing them from being on time
    • The leader explained “why” being late is not appropriate and the real effects on the team
    • The leader reminded the employee of the attendance policy so they have a clear understanding of what the consequences of their actions are
    • The leader offered to assist the employee with helping them arrive on time. This often falls flat as it is usually within the team member’s control; however, sometimes they may express a desire for a change at which point the leader will need to assess if it’s possible

    Danny Meyer built an empire on a simple truth: staff first, guests second. It may sound backwards until we realize that exceptional service to guests cannot happen without exceptional treatment of our staff.

    Our team members are not pawns on a chess board—they are people with their own goals, challenges, and lives outside of work. When we speak to them with respect, explain the “why,” and treat them with dignity, they become invested in something greater than themselves. They buy in to your mission and values, and every guest interaction will reflect that.

    The words we choose with our staff shape our culture every single day. Choose them wisely.

    Choosing the Right Words (Part 2: Words with Staff)

  • Choosing the Right Words (Part 1: Words with Guests)

    Many moons ago, I was a young and foolish Assistant Dining Room Manager at a high end restaurant. White table cloth, dress code, fine wine etc… I approached a table and asked the following (terrible) question:

    “Are you still working on this sir?” As I gestured to his plate.

    The gentleman gently sets down his silverware, takes a deep breath and says:

    “Young man, I am not at work, I am enjoying a nice dinner with my wife. This meal is not laborious, and until now, I was not under any stress. You should be asking, ‘Are you still enjoying your meal?’ OR simply ask nothing at all and remove it when my knife and fork indicate I am finished.”

    OUCH!

    Needless to say I never made that mistake again—while the sting in the moment was real, I am grateful for the gentleman’s enthusiastic correction.

    What I have learned since then is that your words have power. They can close conversations or open them. They can assign blame or provide solutions. They can diminish experiences or elevate them. The principles apply to the words we use with guests AND with our team members. This week we will look at the words we use with guests.

    Let’s look at a few more scenarios where poor language was chosen and then review the alternatives. We will assume the basic skills are already in place and try to dive deeper.

    Scenario 1: Reservations Sales Call

    In this scenario, the call has gone well so far—a warm greeting has taken place, the caller’s name is asked for and the team member introduced themselves. Things go south when the caller asks for dates that the hotel is low on inventory.

    Guest: “I’m looking to stay on March 5th and 6th.”

    Resv Agent: “Ok, unfortunately I only have our standard room left.”

    Guest: “Uhhh ok, that doesn’t sound great.”

    Resv Agent: “It’s a nice room but it is our lowest tier room and it’s all we have left. We are almost sold out.”

    Guest: “Ok, I’ll call back—thanks.”

    Let’s try again:

    Guest: “I’m looking to stay on March 5th and 6th.”

    Resv Agent: “Wonderful! I’m so glad you called today, Mr. Spieth—that seems to be a popular weekend as we are almost fully committed; however, you are in luck as we have one beautiful standard room remaining.”

    Guest: “Oh my gosh, that’s great news! Is that room ok for my wife and I?”

    Resv Agent: “Absolutely it is! It is on the cozier side in terms of square footage; however, the room is very comfortable, impeccably decorated and provides access to all our amenities plus this room will have less strain on the wallet so you and Mrs. Spieth can splurge on that extra spa appointment.”

    Guest: “Now you’re speaking my language—let’s book it!”

    Notice how the staff:

    • Spun the last available room and lower room type narratives into a positive instead of a negative
    • Used the guest name
    • Used the term “fully committed” instead of “sold out”
    • Used descriptive language to describe the standard room (beautiful, cozy instead of small or nice)
    • Used “we” statements instead of “I” statements (This could be its own post as it’s controversial but I believe it shows a collective togetherness. The agent is an ambassador and represents the larger “host” embodiment of the hotel itself.)
    • Reframed the lower room tier as a financial opportunity, upselling spa services with the money saved

    Scenario 2: Guest Arrival

    In this scenario, a guest has arrived at the hotel and has just walked into the lobby with luggage. The staff are talking amongst themselves and despite seeing her walk through the door, the staff don’t greet her until she is at the desk.

    Desk Agent: “Hello, checking in?”

    Guest: “Um, yes I am, my last name is Spieth.”

    Desk Agent: “Great, the screen will light up there for you to sign and then ask for your credit card—can I see your ID?”

    Guest: “Ok.”

    Desk Agent: “So your room is not ready yet, but it will be done by 4pm.”

    Guest: “Ok…what do I do with my luggage?”

    Desk Agent: “We can store it for you.”

    Guest: “Ok, so I should just check back later?”

    Desk Agent: “That’s right.”

    Let’s try again:

    A guest arrives at the hotel and enters the lobby with luggage. Two staff members are present—one near the entrance, one at the front desk:

    Bellman: “Good afternoon sir, welcome to the Grand Hotel, may I assist you with your luggage?”

    Guest: “Yes, that would be lovely.”

    Desk Agent: “Welcome sir, how can we help you today?”

    Guest: “I’m here to check in, last name is Spieth.”

    Desk Agent: “Excellent, I see you’ve been here before, welcome back and happy birthday as well!”

    Guest: “Thank you!”

    Desk Agent: “It looks like our team is still preparing your room; however, we would be happy to store your luggage and get you settled in. You are welcome to use all of our amenities and we will reach out to you as soon as the room is ready. We’ve let the team know you are here so we can prioritize your room.”

    Guest: “Ok, that sounds great—thank you!”

    Desk Agent: “Our pleasure Mr. Spieth.”

    Notice how the staff:

    • Immediately welcomed the guest upon arrival
    • Offered to assist with luggage
    • Used a warm welcoming greeting instead of a transactional one (“checking in?”)
    • Used the guest name
    • Acknowledged the guest’s loyalty and the special occasion they were celebrating
    • Provided a softer approach to delivering bad news about the room not being ready which included a proactive approach that served the guest

    Now this was obviously an extreme example, but it illustrates the point—hospitality should be a warm and welcoming conversation with active listening, eye contact and thoughtful responses.

    Scenario 3: Concierge/Activity Request

    Guest: “Can you get me tickets to the show tonight?”

    Concierge: “That show is sold out. It’s been sold out for weeks.”

    Guest: “Oh. Well, is there anything else to do around here?”

    Concierge: “There’s a list of activities in your room.”

    Let’s try again:

    Guest: “Can you get me tickets to the show tonight?”

    Concierge: “That’s one of our most popular shows! Unfortunately that performance is fully committed this evening; however, I’d love to share some other options for you and Mrs. Spieth. We have an incredible jazz performance at the hotel tonight, or I can secure tickets for tomorrow night’s show if you’re able to extend your stay. There’s also a fantastic new restaurant that just opened—I can get you a reservation there within the hour.”

    Guest: “Tell me more about the jazz performance.”

    Notice how the staff:

    • Acknowledged the popularity of the request
    • Used “fully committed” instead of “sold out”
    • Used the guest name
    • Immediately pivoted to solutions
    • Offered multiple alternatives
    • Stayed engaged and helpful rather than directing them elsewhere

    Common Phrases and Better Alternatives

    • Sold out → Fully committed
    • I don’t know → Please allow me to check
    • Checking in? → Welcome to the [property name], how can we help you?
    • You’ll have to… → You are welcome to… or We invite you to…
    • You’ll have to wait → We appreciate your patience, may I offer you something to drink while we take care of this?
    • We’re busy right now → Thank you for your patience, I will be with you in just one moment
    • No problem → I’m happy to help / You’re most welcome / It is our pleasure
    • Hold on → I will be right with you, thank you for your patience
    • You have to → If you could please
    • Have a good one → Thank you for joining us, we look forward to seeing you again / Enjoy your stay / Enjoy your evening

    There are countless more examples and some may vary depending on location—for example, you may welcome someone into your hotel with “Aloha!” in Hawaii, but this may not be the best choice to welcome someone in New York City.

    That gentleman who corrected me about “working” on his meal did me a favor. He taught me that our words shape experiences—they either add stress or remove it, close doors or open them. In hospitality, we want to open doors (metaphorically and for real!).

    Next week, we’ll review how our words with staff affect our leadership.

    Choosing the Right Words (Part 1: Words with Guests)